Poucha

As I type this, I have a wet chihuahua wrapped up in a towel sitting on my lap.  I just gave her a bath, and it might be her last one.  She has been getting sicker and sicker in the time since Luca was born.  It could be psychological, it could be something physical making her sick and causing her to lose her appetite.  I don't know what it is, but the vet suggested today that the most humane decision might be to put her to sleep.

I want to say up front that I love dogs and other animals, but I recognize a difference between a pet and a person.  This post is in no way meant to be comparable to those who are struggling with the sickness or death of a friend or family member.  That being said, I do still feel that I can grieve the potential loss of this sweet diva of a dog.  She has been a part of my family since I was 17.  I was in high school for crying out loud!  She has been with me through so many life changes.  When we got her, she was so in love with my mom.  She followed her everywhere, my mom was "her person."  She tolerated my dad and me, but my mom was who she lived for.  My heart was broken for hundreds of reasons when my mom passed away, but the icing on the cake of my grief was seeing Poucha confused, looking for her at the door, and it would cause me to weep over the loss of my mom all over again.

After my mom died, I took Poucha with me to college.  My roommates, Hallie and Ali were so gracious to let me bring her to our apartment.  I hid her from the apartment office staff for a while, but I decided I needed to be up front (they didn't allow pets, even with a deposit or fee).  After telling them about her, they initially said I couldn't keep her, and then the lady offered to buy her from me because her daughter loved chihuahuas.  Um, no!  She's not for sale, Cruella!  I'm so thankful that they eventually allowed me to keep her in the apartment.  That was a gift from God, because I really didn't have the means to move, but I wasn't ready to give her away.  She has always been a link to the memory of my mom.

On the road again!

After college, Poucha and I packed up and moved back to Port St. Joe, where we lived in our old house again.  As time went on, I became "her person."  We lived there for a while, then we packed up again and moved to Raleigh.  All the roommates I had before I got married were gracious to be ok with having a dog in the house, even though some of them weren't dog people (Emily and Nicole!)  :)  I think Kristin liked dogs, but I know it still took a lot of grace, because dogs do make a house harder to clean.

Practicing the art of avoiding Rupert

Eventually, I bought a house in Raleigh and Poucha and I moved again.  Her little life was pretty darn good until... Alex Batista came along.  I was Poucha's person, how dare I get a person for myself!  While we were dating, it wasn't too bad, but when we got married and Alex moved in, she was pretty mad for a while!  :)  Her world was rocked to the core.  And just when she got used to him (sort of), we went and got... ANOTHER DOG.  Her world seriously almost ended.  Rupert loves Poucha, but Poucha was not having any of it.  Now, she is a diva, but I have a soft spot for her diva-ness, because I know chihuahuas typically bond to one person, and her first person was taken away, then her second person was having to be shared with all these other people.  Poor Pooch!

Alex bribing Poucha to tolerate him :)

Before Alex and I even knew we were pregnant, we think Poucha knew.  I had gone on a weekend trip to Nashville to spend time with some of my best friends Nicole, Erin, and Amber.  When I got back, Poucha would not leave my side, and when I would close the bedroom door to sleep at night, she would sniff under the door and whine to be with me.  It got so weird that Alex asked me if I thought I might be pregnant.  And I was!

I don't want to pinpoint a reason for what she's going through now, but truly, my being pregnant probably pushed her over the edge a bit.  Throughout my pregnancy, I had an aversion to smells, and my dogs definitely didn't get as many (or any) snuggles from me during the first trimester (and into the second too).  Poor things, but I just couldn't do it.  No matter how many baths we gave them, there was no way I could be near them.  It sounds terrible, but if a nice person had come to my door and asked if they could have my dogs during that season, I probably would have said yes!  Thankfully that ended and once I was feeling better I spent more time with them.

However, once Luca was born, Poucha stopped eating.  This breaks my heart, but we have tried everything we could think of.  The last effort is to give her some appetite stimulants for a few days and see if that makes a difference.  If not, we will most likely be putting her to sleep.  I have cried a lot this morning, just thinking about how my entire adult life I have had this dog by my side.  15 years is a long time.  She has had a good life, and I hope she has more years left in her, but if she doesn't, I want to make the best choice for her if she is suffering right now.


It's always sad to lose a pet, but I feel as though I'm losing a piece of my mom.  I know lots of people who loved my mom so her memory isn't gone by any means, but to me, Poucha brought my mom comfort when she was sick, in pain, and going through the sadness of the last year of her life.  I know she's just a dog, but she knew my mom, she loved my mom, and I feel like we went through that difficulty together.

Poucha is still here with me now, and I'm going to snuggle her a lot in the next few days.  Regardless of how long she has left, I'm thankful for the way she's impacted my adult life, and I'm glad she's been with me for the last 15 years.