"You will never really enjoy other people, you will never have stable emotions, you will never lead a life of godly contentment, you will never conquer jealousy and love others as you should until you thank God for making you the way He did." ~Reverend James Hufstetler~
"For you formed my inward parts;
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
My frame was not hidden from you,
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
Psalm 139:13-16
When was the last time I genuinely praised God for the way He made me? I can't remember the last time, until this morning when I was convicted by the Spirit for the way I see myself. This is not the "self-love" that makes us self-centered and self-focused, but the recognizing that God made us.
Not "God made US." But, "God made us." The focus is on God and His goodness, and the trust that His works are good. "Wonderful are your works, my soul knows it very well."
My prayer is that my soul will know full well that God did a good thing when He created me (not because I'm awesome, but because He is). This is so freeing. When I have this level of contentment, I am freed to love others. When I was single, I saw this playing out the most in my friendships with other girls. Jealousy is a terrible disease to any friendship. When I was genuinely happy for someone, our friendship was strengthened, but when I was jealous, our friendship suffered.
That still happens from time to time, but now that I am married, I see this playing out mostly with Alex. I want to be beautiful in the eyes of my husband. And I'm thankful that he thinks I am. But when so much of my focus is placed on looks, my attitude shifts and I'm cranky, rude, and generally in a bad mood if I don't feel pretty. I can't tell you how many arguments we have had that started because I was in a bad mood because I couldn't find anything to wear or because my hair looked bad. How many arguments could have been avoided and how many sweet conversations could have been had instead if my thoughts were focused on God, His goodness, my salvation through Jesus, thankfulness that I am able to walk, talk, hear, see, run, exercise, eat.
I have been fighting against the whole baby weight issue by praying a lot and trying to cultivate a genuine thankfulness that I was able to carry a baby and give birth to our son. I understand this is a blessing, and when I dwell on that with a heart of thankfulness, it makes the slow process of losing weight much more joyful. I want to focus on what I have instead of what I think will make me happy right then (being thinner).
Attraction has its place in marriage, but I think my husband would honestly say that the times I have stolen his heart the most have been when godly character shines through. Maybe it's the way he has seen me love and care for Luca, or in forgiving him or asking for forgiveness myself when I'm wrong. These things have nothing to do with the outward appearance and everything to do with character built through knowing Christ and being changed through the reading of God's word. So while I am seeking to be healthy through exercising and eating right, my joy doesn't need to rest in accomplishing those things.
I hope this is an encouragement to many women out there who might be dealing with some of the same issues as me. My mini-goal for the near future is to specifically focus on cultivating a heart of thankfulness and worship on Sunday mornings (as that seems to be the time where I'm most vulnerable to frustration and anger about my physical appearance) so that I can hear the Word preached from a place of thankfulness and not be distracted by the "cares of this world."
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:30
No comments:
Post a Comment